Have you got anyone offline to talk to?

[vera]

To me the worst thing about all this is that I don't have anyone to talk to outside this forum. I have to act as if nothing had happened and sometimes it is so difficult that it drives me crazy (and it's not even a week yet... God, when I hear people here talking about 15 and 20 years...). I still feel incredibly guilty that it happened, that I allowed it to happen. My only prayer is that I can keeping under control without letting my loved ones know, because that would make things much worse. They've got so many problems of their own and that's the last thing they need. I can't believe that no longer than a week ago I was so happy and blissful, craving for deep spiritual experiences, learning to make each moment of my life a meditation, and now all that is over, I am thrown in this alien realm of the mind, not knowing what is going to follow. How do you cope with these feelings, with having such a big gap between your outer and inner life?

[Gar]

I too hide well my experiences, my family knows very little of what I have experienced. I have really only two friends that I can share details with, and they both live very far away, so only occasional calls.
It has been many years for me and still intensities arise, but I make it through, and learn from the experiences. It has been very challenging at times but you can make it through.
Please don't blame yourself, sometimes I think that perhaps there was nothing I could have done, it was going to happen on way or another.

I journal my experiences, it helps a bit.

Take care and good luck

[vera]

Gar, thanks for your reply and encouraging words. Being open and willing to learn from the experience seems to be a healthy way of looking at things. I have started a journal, too, it seems to help.

[christop.reid]

It's only been a week vera.  The initial shock and first few days are the worst, and very trying. Give yourself a little time for it to settle in. 

It's the beginning of a new chapter in your spiritual life which you will not regret.. although you may have reservations now.

Good luck with your journey.

Chris

[uki]

Vera, if you'll look hard enough you will find a K person than you can meet with in a real life. Maybe use this forum?

I don't know if thats a good idea though, since meeting a K person can boost your energy -  (at least that's my case).

[AnneMcG]

I have lived in this small town for a long time, and most people have witnessed some of my outrageous outbursts (or at least they have become great dinner conversations). Since most of the time I am too serious and contained, and constantly struggle with depression (therefor don't socialize much), it is always exciting entertainment when I do some volcano act. Anyway, what I have found out recently, is that several of my friends and other people I talk to have had similar experiences. If you talk around the subject, and do not use specific languaging, you might be surprised that you do have people you can talk to in your area. The key is to LISTEN, and limit what you share. That is always a good idea anyway. Meanwhile, more and more people are forming groups on sites such as this one BECAUSE you are anonymous, you need not fear what you say. There are even AA meetings, and all kinds of support groups where people are helping each other. The best part is that if you take a risk and do mess up, you can just leave the group or change your identity. Even Bob moved the whole site when the energy got bad!! You can't do that when you live in a small town. You might put something out there on facebook or another social site looking for people who are experiencing a spiritual emergency. That is a fairly safe way to put it. Good luck. Anne

[vera]

Thanks to all for your suggestions and moral support. I really consider myself very lucky to have come across this forum. It has helped me a lot in understanding the nature of my experiences and that makes all the difference.

I'm currently reading Philip St Romain's book "Kundalini Energy and Christian Spirituality" and finding a lot of comfort in it. I've also come to a sort of reconciliation with myself for what has happened. I know I've got to get rid of a lot of fear and guilt before I can make real progress.

So far things haven't been too bad, apart from two nights of fighting demonic apparitions, which left me tired and drained all throughout the day (I guess my feelings of guilt and my Christian background played a big part in that).

I could say that in some ways my life has improved, perhaps because I'm making a conscious effort to get more involved in everything I do. No one seems to notice there is anything different with me... so I guess I'm not showing much on the outside...

Good luck to you all. Have a great weekend.

Vera